Wednesday, February 29, 2012


Backorder? Noooo! I know it will be worth the wait. Once I get the nerve I am going to ask the (amazing) author if I can buy a signed copy and then donate this one to the Calgary Public Library.

I think it’s only on backorder because it isn’t stocked in Canada. It should ship quickly. If you would like a signed copy, let me know. I can get him to send you one out!


You may not be able to tell but THIS is my super stoked face!!! I got my book!! I may not be around for awhile because I started reading it and now…I can’t put it down. I can already tell you it’s going to be awesome. You’d be crazy not to check it out…really.


Awww Yeah! Got my signed book from The Man.  Where’s yours?

Ok guys, show us where your copy is!


Link: Encounter

His heart’s racing. In this moment the need to wrap his arms around her and take in her essence outweighs even the need to breathe.

She stands by his side quietly, the anticipation of contact flashing in her mind, but the fear of the outcome holding her shy.

Her smell lingers in the air as she makes her way into the room ahead of him. He stops, closes his eyes and steadies himself for the steps he’s willing himself to take. One foot in front of the other, he follows her through the door. Her scent parts like a tide, then rushes back, clinging to him like butterflies in the rain. He closes his eyes once again and draws in a calming breath full of her. One foot in front of the other. He opens his eyes only to be mesmerized by the sway of her stride and the rise and fall of her ass as she saunters past the bed and on toward the window.

She reaches the window and looks out at the city below. She pretends to admire the architecture or appreciate the activity below, but it’s only a front. Her mind is running circles around the situation. She dares not move or look back at him. She realizes that he has to take the first step or she’ll feel like she pressured the situation. She hugs herself and directs her emotions inward. He’s behind her, she can feel it. She waits.

He walks past the bed, and slows as the distance between them becomes manageable. He draws out every step and lets the gravity between them close the gap itself, pulling him to her on an invisible thread. Looking down he notices her turning her left foot inward until her toes meet.He looks down and behind him for her sandals, he hadn’t noticed her take them off.

She enjoys the tickle of the carpet on her bare skin as she curls her toes through the berber, kneading it with her tiny appendages. She glances down to admire her handy work and sees her own reflection in the gloss of her toenails.

He takes the last step toward her before a flash of sunlight glimpses his eye, reflecting off of her green toenails. The distraction takes his mind off of the last few inches and he presses his torso against her back without pretense.

The warmth of his body against hers is inspiring. She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and a smile she didn’t know she was suppressing. The moment she feels the first beat of his heart, her body shivers and the butterflies in her stomach explode upward and outward, leaving her to cling to him.

He leans his face into her hair and enjoys her bouquet. The moment takes over and he touches her bare arms tenderly, their fingertips dancing along each other. He continues the touch around until he has her wrapped in his arms. Back her head goes, resting against his shoulder, giving herself over to his charm.

Tighter, he squeezes. Safer, she feels. They live in that moment as time stops and the world falls away to nothing.

Stepping into Darkness

This originally appeared on my old blog…


The edge of nothing. Carefully, not that it matters at this point one way or the other, I curl my toes south, feeling for the concrete line in the sand. Straight forward, my eyes open and I feel his gaze upon me. Judging curiously behind tinted glass, frozen in the moment. His slack jawed awe fuels my inner concession. The papers in his hand slip from his grasp and free fall to the berber below, catching a ride back and forth on the resistance of the very same concoction I’m about to brave. My brain hiccups, my throat tightens and my lip curls to a smile in anticipation of the freedom before me.

“Step forward into the vast abyss,” my mind prompts me. I obey.

I close my eyes and the final song starts to play. Building slowly from a faint steady rhythm of 16th note high hats… bass on the downbeat…. blackness engulfs me and an army of butterflies stir to life… snare on the upbeat… the ocean tide crashes in my ears.

I open my eyes at the crescendo and focus on the papers across the chasm, still drifting helplessly to their next destination. My feet find their way above my head as my inner soundtrack nears the first break.

Refocusing toward my own destiny and the finality of my decision sets in. Time halts and only my stomach contests the change of direction. My smile falters then continues past it’s obligatory equator. The music stops. The ocean grows louder.

Closing my eyes again I feel my stomach twist itself into slip knot. The black returns, welcoming me inside with the promise of salvation for my bad decisions. Something tugs on my shirt and before I can turn to see, I hear the voice of my son.

“Are you ok, Daddy?” He sits down on the floor in front of me, smiling a toothless grin. I try to answer but can’t. The words are stuck, fighting to break free, tearing a hole on my throat… yet there effort is pointless.

Sitting up on the couch I swing my feet to meet the sand below.

The waves continue to crash in a steady drum of confusion. I stand up and take the first obligatory step in their direction. Emerging from the crashing waves, her salt water locks of vibrant red brilliance silence the thunder rolling in on each wave until all I can focus on is the beating of my own heart. Pounding harder with every thrust of blood to and fro I feel like my chest is going to explode. The intense pain and panic curls me in on myself. I close my eyes to escape the siren’s gaze and find solace once again in the black.

The ocean waves are crashing louder. My heart seizes. Silence befalls me.

I risk my sanity and force my eyes open. The sting of 32 feet per second squared bites at my pupils. The flash of concrete racing toward me makes the feeling of freedom experienced only moments before a surreal reminder of how fast I’ve fallen both figuratively and physically. My eyes close around tears, either from the flight or the fear I do not know. It matters not. The black is my new home.

“Welcome home…” drifts in on the last wave, “we’ve missed you.”

“I have no fucking clue what just happened! I was walking to my window about to file today’s Z490 Day Sum when I looked up and saw him step up on the ledge… He… he fucking looked right at me. He smiled. Fuck. He fucking smiled! Who the fuck does that? I’m never getting that image out of my head… FUCK! I mean, c’mon… he just stepped off and pheweeeeewwww down he went. Why the fuck was he smiling?”

I can finally see

Always watching… contemplating… discovering… In this vast empty hole that is life, why do I strive to know the reason why? Before I can answer “why?” I must first uncover the motive… for a question without motive is lust without a target. In my mind’s eye, I spy the reason why. The reason for my search for absolution. However the explanation comes at the expense of sanity, my own… the meaning of life is right before me, in my mind’s eye… open it and I shall see. The meaning is the question. The question is the reason. The reason is the motive. The motive is the end. Opposite the end, there was a beginning, and in the beginning let there be light, the bright light that blinded the eye. Now, here in the vast darkness, I can finally see.


HOORAY!   It came in the mail today!

If you haven’t already, please go buy this book.

Now… should I read it first and then send to Travis for an autograph or send it away and THEN read it??

Ahem...I was just over at know, ordering my very own copy of Lost in Infinity...


And I was going to screen shot that shit but I haven’t learned that yet on this computer…whatevs…you can bet your sweet ass I’ll be posting my pic with it when it gets here….super excited :)


Look what was waiting for me when I came home!!! Yay!

I am so excited to read Travis’ book. :D You guys should check it out too, here.


I got my copy in the mail today, I cant wait to crack this baby open. I’m so proud to be able to support a local author and my friend Travis. 


Look what came in the mail today. I’m stoked to dig into this, Travis.

Taking a Shot

This originally appeared on my old blog… reposting here

Sitting at the bar, nursing a Guinness and a shot of Bailey’s & Jaimeson… This place sucks ass. I only came here because it’s on the way home from work, but that justification is quickly losing merit. I look down into my drink, my third drink… normally about my limit. I lean forward and reach down to grab my wallet, but as I turn my head to the left to facilitate said movement, I catch a glimpse of green highlighted hair. As she walks directly behind me, I twist to my left even farther to try to catch a better look at the body connected to the hair and end up doing a very awkward spin on my barstool. Which, I might add, says anything but “cool”. One hand in my pocket, my head twisted over my shoulder, spinning the squeaking bar stool 360ยบ counter clockwise… I assume I look handicapped at the minimum. Half hoping I missed her as she kept walking on by, I reach the full arc of my rotation and find her sitting on the stool next to me, staring at me like I just grew a second head out of my shoulder.

Our eyes meet and I can tell she’s trying her hardest to refrain from smiling, which, on her soft face, is as adorable as it sounds. I pause, mid motion, realizing at that moment I probably look like I have cerebral palsy. She looks away, the smile growing as she turns toward the bartender. I sit motionless for 10 seconds, the proverbial deer in headlights, trying to figure out how to right this catastrophic sequence of events.

I leave my wallet in my pocket, straighten back up to the best of my ability and try to look as normal as possible. I finish my Guinness, chase it with the shot, then call Dave, the bartender (and a close friend) over. As he gets closer, I say “Dave, my good man, can I get a bottle of water and another Guinness with a chaser? Then please get the woman to my right, whatever she likes, on me, so she’ll stop looking at me like I lost the genetic lottery.” I turn her way as I finish the statement, hoping she heard.

“She must know you Nick, genetically imbalanced just about sums you up. What can I get you?” Dave directs the latter in her direction. She looks up and says, “Jack & Coke. Thanks.” Then she turns my way, “Thank you as well. Not escaped from the asylum then?”

The only way to describe the reappearance of her smile is heavenly. Just enough teeth to let me know it’s sincere, a curl of her lip twisting it into a slight smirk. I’m drawn in to her lips, until the movement of her eyes behind the frames of her glasses begs my attention upward. She rolls her eyes as her smile widens a little more. Her eyebrows raise and her beautiful eyes (what color are they? impossible to tell in this light) widen in a gesture of “what?”. I’m staring. One step forward, two steps backward.

“I’m sorry.” I find myself recovering from dumbfounded slack jawed awe for the second time in 2 minutes. Not looking promising for me at this point is it? “No. Not escaped, they let me go on a weekend pass… I don’t even know. Never mind.” Then I turn back to my drink… I’ve fucked this up royally.

“I hate that.” She says, turning back to the Jack & Coke now waiting for her at the bar.

“What?… Hate what?” courage kicking back in.

“When someone starts to say something, but doesn’t finish. Just fucking spit it out already. Drives me wicked nuts.” She brings the drink to her mouth and I find myself staring once again as she takes the first sip. The whiskey meets her lips, but my eyes are fixed on the green nail polish playing in the neon bar light. “You’re doing it again.” she says, never even looking in my direction.

“Staring… yeah I know.” I look back to my own drink, trying to figure out how to fix this before it spirals out of control completely. I take a deep breath, then turn to face her. “Here’s the deal.”

She turns to meet me, drink back to her lips, eyes curious. Our knees brush, but I force my brain through the touch. “I was going to say that I was a little awe struck when you walked by but I thought better of it, because it sounded like a total line…” Breathe. “I’d rather tell you the truth and it sound like a line than you be aggravated that I didn’t finish what I was going to say. So, there, I caught a glimpse of you, the green in your hair, you took my breath away, I didn’t know what to say, I froze. Total awe, at it’s finest. Beautiful green locks, the sweetest smile in the whole bar and I’m a total sucker for a woman in glasses. Sue me.” I turn back to the bar, completely pleased with my performance.

She instantly blushes, lowers her head and lets the smile engulf her face. She brings her hand up to her mouth and slowly raises her head. She turns slightly to her left, gives me a little smirk, and a look like she caught me with my hand in the cookie jar… then follows with “That IS the worst line ever.”

“Not a line. Total truth. I never lie. It’s usually easier and more effective to just speak the truth and say what’s on your mind.” Feeling this isn’t going anywhere, I turn back to the bar, drop the shot into my Guinness and take the whole thing as an Irish Car Bomb. I stand up, grab the bottle of water and leave $40 on the bar for Dave. “Her next drink’s on me too, Dave.” I turn in her direction. “It was very nice stammering and kicking myself in the face in your lovely presence. We’ll have to never do this again.” Maybe it was the last car bomb taking over, who knows… I grab her hand and bring it to my mouth, a soft kiss and a smile before laying her hand back on the bar and I’m readying my stride for a smooth exit.

“Elphie. My name’s Elphie.” Her smile more than let’s me know that I may have turned this around. She stands up and looks down at me. It’s at this moment I realize she’s about 2” taller than me. Score. Nothing sexier than looking up at a gorgeous woman.

My eyes never leave hers, but my head leans slightly as I call to my left, “Dave, keep the change and see ya tomorrow.” She takes me by the hand and pulls me in the direction of the exit. I trail through the wake of her perfume as we slink through the crowd toward the night.

I follow her through the door to the street beyond. As soon as the cold air hits us, I turn the corner and stand up against the wall, out of the wind. “Nick. My name’s Nick. Very nice to meet you Elphie.”

My right hand still holding her left, she stands in front of me and raises her right hand slightly. My left hand meets hers so that we’re now completely connected. “Well Nick, what now?”

“Coffee?” I suggest as I straighten my arms and will them to my sides, drawing a few inches out of the gap between us as I bring her hands with mine.

“I’d rather have more Jack & Coke.” She steps a little closer to relax the tight muscles between us. Now only 3” separate our faces.

“I have a new fifth of Jack at my place.” I bring the 3” to 2”.

“Anything to go with it?” The 2” becomes 1”.

“We’ll get something on the way.” 1” becomes a graze of flesh.

“Sounds,” our lips touch briefly, “…good” she lets out slowly.

My hands draw hers closer and a little behind me, the brief touch of lips turns to a kiss. The kiss grows deeper and I feel her head twist as our lips part momentarily. The playful way our fingers intertwine and our palms meet in a gesture of long lost lovers, allows us to draw out the first kiss to an unheard depth. My left hand breaks its grip and I wrap my hand around her back, pulling her closer yet. The kiss lasts longer than anticipated until a sharp cold gust robs us of our will to breathe. “This way,” I say as I pull her closer and direct the scene in the direction of my car.

The connection between us was instant and explosive.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

"Lost in Infinity" featured on Hellnotes

Link: "Lost in Infinity" featured on Hellnotes

The Rain Beckons

The slow drizzle of rain against the glass stirs her from deep within the realm of rest and guides her slowly to the foggy haze between sleep and awake. Here is where her mind sets into motion the beautiful kaleidoscope of thoughts and wishes buried beneath questions unasked and observations unsaid. The trickle of rain sets the soundtrack for a full production of tragedy, romance and comedy mixed with the absurd. A flash of lightning chases the nightmares lurking, back to whence they came. “One Mississippi, two Mississippi…” The crack of thunder and subsequent rolling bass rocks the bedroom, now darker than before. 

She opens one groggy eye only to be blinded with a second flash. “One Mississippi, two Miss…” The apartment shakes from the fury of the approaching storm. Slowly she opens her eye back up while inadvertently clamping it’s sister tighter still. A lone pupil adjusts slowly to the dark room and darker night beyond the window. The intensity of the last lightning strike had all but turned the street lamps black, wreaking havoc on the daylight sensors governing their utility.

Her left eyelid relaxes, realizing it’s safe to bring depth to the scene before her. The moonlight dances across her face, distorted through the descending drops of rain racing down the outside of her bay window. Sitting up in her bed, she lets her feelings of excitement curl her lips to a sly smile. The rain has always enchanted her, tonight would be no exception. She places her hands on either side of her thighs and shifts the weight of her body upward then backward, swinging her butt toward the wall behind her like an eight year old working a pretend pommel horse. Resting her back against the wall, she squeals with excitement when the room comes alive with light from another discharge of electricity. She claps her hands to her cheeks in mock astonishment as she anticipates the booming tortoise chasing the rabbit into the room. “One Mississippi…”

The window rattles and the ceiling creaks under the wave of thunder. She’s already up and running across the room toward her boots before the rumble passes. She forces out all common sense as she shoves her feet into the boots, past the threshold of intelligence. Out the door she runs, the rain beckons.

Twirling in the moonlight, she closes her eyes and lifts her face skyward. The raindrops paint a picture across her face as every muscle strains with the tension of a grin welcoming the onslaught from above. She turns her palms upright and feels the static charge building beneath her.

The rain drops falter… slowing… The sound of life all around her inverts to a muted phone call. The world closes in on itself as if someone screwed the lid on too tight without poking holes first. The hair on her necks starts to curl and pull away as if running from the coming storm. The rain on the pavement beneath her feet echoes in her head, competing with the surge of blood rushing through her veins.

Something is wrong.

She opens her eyes in time to be engulfed by white light. The cleansing purity burns spots into her vision. The spots grow larger and more intense until they engulf the white and the world bleeds to a silent black calm.

“Welcome home, Pixie.” A whisper tickles her left ear.

“Where am I?” she asks. A calm washes over her in the dark.

“Where do you want to be?” Her right ear quivers as the voice slides over her skin.

“I don’t know.” She tries to turn her face to see who is speaking but the thought and movement are fleeting. She has no boundaries, no center, no reference from which to turn.

“I’ve been watching you. You’re an amazing creature, Pixie.”

“I’m confused. Who are you and where am I?” she pleads once again.

“I am your everything.” The velvet voice picks her up and twirls her around slowly, letting the sensation of flight give birth to butterflies in her core. “We are in recesses of your mind. It’s truly lovely here, isn’t it?” The butterflies soar up and away, taking her stomach with them. She is falling, yet, without the reference of from what or to where, she remains decidedly calm. She settles into the moment and accepts the feeling as gospel

“Am I dead? Did I die?” Fear pulls at her, twisting the calm to euphoria.

“Tsk tsk… do you feel dead… or do you feel alive?” the voice asks with excitement.

“I feel,” she thinks for a moment, “I feel… alive!

The sensation of falling and the startled twitch that follows grounds her flat against the mattress. Coughing, she tries to fill her empty lungs. She rubs her eyes in an effort to establish herself among the living. The moonlight dances across her face, distorted through the descending drops of rain racing down the outside of her bay window. Sitting up in her bed, she lets her feelings of excitement curl her lips to a sly smile. The rain has always enchanted her, tonight would be no exception. She scrambles out of the bed and skips to the window. She looks at the street lamp below and imagines herself twirling beneath it, dancing in the star light.

The rain beckons.

Finding Peace

Link: Finding Peace

The sound of the passing train brought the apartment to life, filling the air with ambient rattles and knocks. The rumble of the metal monster exaggerated the dire disarray of the apartment by rattling the ancient windows in their tracks. The beast’s heartbeat thumped rhythmically, “chuh-chink… chuh-chink…. chuh-chink…” as each of it’s massive wheels met the separation in the track below. The mechanical lullaby lulled him deeper into a land of brighter days. The rain, not to be outdone, shifted it’s aim until it’s destination amplified the rattle of the cracked window. An empty glass walked across the edge of a shelf as if contemplating taking a leap and ending it all.

“chuh-chink… chuh-chink…. chuh-chink…”

He stirred and left the dream stroking his psyche and reminding him of days long since past. He opened his left eye and spied the passing flashes of light as the street lamps below played out a melody of heartache through the gaps in the train cars. With a deep breath, he pushed up on his forearms and turned his head away from the sweat covered sheets to take in the full scene with stereo eyes.

“chuh-chink… chuh-chink…. chuh-chink…”

He rolled back onto his side and stretched an arm above his head, willing it to wake up through the pins and needles. Once sufficiently stretched, he finished the roll to his back. Reaching across the covers to the bedside table for his lighter and the half finished cigarette butt, a slender hand found his chest. With knuckles arched, chipped green nails pressed into his flesh. She raised her head off of the pillow beside him and offered a smile that was meant to settle him back to his pillow. His hand dropped from it’s intended destination to find the cool skin of her shoulder instead.

“chuh-chink… chuh-chink…. chuh-chink…”

Up on one elbow, she adjusted her position and threw a leg over his thigh, kicking the covers free as she continued the movement. HIs left hand found her hip below the sheets and brought her to rest, straddling him. The sweaty sheet clung to the curves of her figure momentarily before he slid his right hand down her shoulder, picking it up in his descent like an avalanche clearing the landscape in it’s path. The light through the window cast a film noir dance of shadowed rain drops running down her skin toward the inevitable union of their bodies.

“chuh-chink… chuh-chink…. chuh-chink…”

He raised up to meet her mouth as she took his face into her hands. Their skin brushed ever so softly, lips parted and their hearts matched beat to the rhythm of the beast still racing by.

“chuh-chink… chuh-chink…. chuh-chink…”

The glass walked side to side on the shelf, slowly, drawing out it’s last moments as it looked over the edge and took the final step. In that fleeting moment, the rain stopped, the train melted away and the glass twisted and turned until it’s fate met the knotted floor board below with a crash.

“chuh-chink… chuh-chink…. chuh-chink…”

He opened his eyes, leaving the kiss behind, as the new sound interrupted the locomotive symphony. He stirred and opened his left eye. The rain on the window played shadows across the room. He sighed, rolled over and reached for his cigarettes, pausing for a second to stare at the empty bed beside him. The pain of her passing rushed back and hit him in the chest like a shotgun blast. Only seconds before he’d had her in his arms once again, now he was left with a fading memory ripping him apart from the inside.

“chuh-chink… chuh-chink…. chuh-chink…”

He took one last drag on the cigarette butt and flipped it at the rain soaked window. He closed his eyes, reached under the empty pillow to his left and brought the equalizer to his temple. The pain of her absence would haunt his dreams no more.

“chuh-chink…… chuh-chink………… chuh-chink………………..”

The whistle sounded one last time as the steam giant’s heart faded into the night, taking his agony along for the ride.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Harnessing the Spark - #34 (Chapter 17 cont'd)

Link: Harnessing the Spark - #34 (Chapter 17 cont'd)


Installment #34 of the on-going online ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE horror novel

CHAPTER 17 (part 2)

Alex walked to the edge of the door and turned, placing her back against the frame. She crossed her arms and leaned toward the opening, stealing a glance at Joshua, still brooding in the sunlight. Nick walked towards the front door of the cabin. Nick started through the screen door but Alex stopped him with a hand on his bicep. “Wait, Nick,” she said. “I do trust you. You know that, don’t you?”

Nick turned to Alex, never meeting her eyes, nodded once and continued out onto the porch. Alex turned back to smile at the rest of us as we each made our way out through the door into the crisp air beyond. I heard Alex behind me before I felt her hand on my shoulder. She didn’t say a word, just walked in step with me. I reached up to my shoulder and took her hand in mine. I turned around, holding her left hand with my right and gripping her shoulder much like she’d done moments before to Nick. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. I assumed the words escaped her. In that moment, I understood completely. The moment hung between us. I simply leaned forward and let my forehead rest against her lips. Alex had always been one of my closest friends, but faced with inevitable doom and the hint of death right around the corner, human nature kicks in we tend to hold onto the few shards of home that we do have left. Alex wrapped her arm around me and we hugged. I felt safe. For whatever was falling apart around us, in those few seconds, I forgot everything else and just enjoyed the solidarity and comfort that being close to a friend offered.

“I love you, Elphie,” Alex whispered into my hair behind a smile.

“I love you too.” I pulled back from the embrace and gave her hand one last squeeze before I turned and headed down the stairs. I made a promise to myself before my foot hit the grass. From that moment forth, I would never miss the opportunity to tell someone that I cared about, just what they meant to me. Whether or not they wanted to hear it, I was going to let my heart do the talking. Watching the world collapse around you does things to your head. You sift back through all of the pointless and trivial fights. You consider the friends you’ve lost and the friends you’ve let drag you down. You think about all of the poor decisions you’ve made and the selfish things you’ve let run your life. You look at all of the sleep you’ve lost worrying over problems that, now, staring into the face of despair, have no weight whatsoever. I vowed to put everything else aside and focus on one thing, my family. I looked around as I made my way to the gravel path. There, under the sun, facing the apocalypse, I was surrounded by my family. The only thing that mattered.

Nick motioned towards the ATVs and directed Dave to the back of the truck to grab the silenced Winchester. Nick looked down at my hands then up again, “Browning still?” he asked.

“Yeah.” I pulled the Hi-Power 9mm out of the back of my jeans and showed him the handgun nonchalantly.

“You need ammo?” he asked. I nodded and returned the pistol to my waistband. “You need a holster too. I should kick your ass for just shoving it in your pants. This isn’t ‘Boys in the Hood’ ya know.” He shook his hand and turned to Dave at the truck. “Dave, grab Elphie another clip too.”

Dave heard the request, acknowledged it with a raised hand and opened the tailgate back up to grab what I needed. Before he could back out and close it up again, I was behind him waiting. “Thanks,” I said with an outstretched hand.

“What?” Dave asked as he handed me the clips.

Apparently, I’d looked as if I was about to say something… which I was. The words were right there, ready to break through the wall of denial I’d spent years building brick by brick. Dave was more than family to me. I knew it. Everyone knew it. “I don’t know,” I said.

“It’s ok. Don’t worry, this won’t take long.” Dave smiled, patted me on the back and walked over toward his ATV. I stood there, watching him walk past, kicking myself inside for losing the nerve to tell him how I felt. Jo scooted back on the seat and let Dave take his place at the handlebars.

“You coming?” Nick called, waking me from my own thoughts.

I looked up at Alex now sitting on the steps, clutching Joshua’s arm and laying her head on her shoulder. Had she seen my failed attempt, spurred on by her own admission of affection and caring? Her smile was innocent enough not to give away the complexity of her understanding. She waved. I waved back.

The moment passed.

Nick turned the key and started the four-wheeler as I climbed on and held onto his waist. Dave and Jo sped ahead of us as Nick slowly brought our ATV up to speed behind. I laid my head on his shoulder and let the sun warm my cheek as it peeked intermittently through the treetops. The gravel kicked up by the front tires pelted my jeans while the airborne dust coated my face and throat. I buried my head into Nick’s neck and ignored the rest, just happy to have my brother.  Nick twisted in his seat and attempted to talk to me over his shoulder. “How are you doing back there?”

“I’m fine!” I yelled back over the rushing wind.

“Fine?” He asked, turning his head back and forth with each few words. “The world just ended and you’re fine?” I felt his chest shake with a laugh following the last words.

“I still can’t wrap my head around all of it! Is that better?”

“I know!” he replied. I could barely understand what he was saying but it was nice to just talk with my brother.

“How is your arm?” I asked, suddenly remembering the hidden wound.

Nick looked straight ahead for a moment. I tapped him on the ribs, waiting for his reply. “You know, I have thought about it at all.” Nick turned back to the road and twisted the throttle, narrowing the growing gap between the two ATVs. “It doesn’t hurt. In fact…” Nick’s response was broken by a curve in the path calling his attention back to the road. “I honestly don’t know. Maybe it’s adrenaline?” I squeezed his chest and started to reply, but he beat me to it. “I still don’t think I’m infected!”

“The others can’t know!” I shouted over his shoulder. “There’s no telling what they’ll do if they find out! You could end up like one of these bodies in the dining hall! I’ll stand by you no matter what! You’re my brother Nick! I love you!”

Nick reached up with his left hand and laid it across my hands on his chest. “I love you too, sis! I don’t know what I would’ve done had you not come back to the house! I don’t think I could go through this without you! Losing mom and dad made me realize you’re my best friend!”

The ATV came to a stop about 20 yards from the Dining Hall. Jo and Dave were already climbing off of there’s on the other side of the path. “Listen to you…” I whispered, “getting all sentimental and shit.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “Must be the sleep deprivation.” He turned towards Dave and Jo, “Are you guys ready?”

“Yes,” Jo said. “I’m the smallest so I’m climbing up top.”

“Just hold on a minute,” Dave said.

“No Dave, she’s right,” Nick said. “You have the Winchester?” he asked Jo.

Dave turned to face Nick, crossed his arms and offered up the best “what the hell are you thinking?” look he could muster.

“I know, I know… but trust me,” Nick said. “She’s on our side. Elphie, you go around the west side and watch the other entrance. Just make sure no one breaks through. I’m going to the front door.”

“I’ll go around to the other side and make sure Jo doesn’t fall off the roof.” Dave turned and followed Jo around the corner.

Nick turned to me. “Elphaba, don’t do anything stupid. Let Jo take the shots.”

“Of course,” I said to myself as I made my way through the thick brush alongside the cabin.

next installment coming soon…

Harnessing the Spark...

I sat down to start working on the next chapter… then realized I still had special books to pack and ship out.


I promise to get back to it soon. In the meantime, I’ll post where we left off.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Who wants a signed copy? FOR FREE

I’m gonna try this for a while. I’m giving away a signed copy of “Lost in Infinity” each and every Friday until people are no longer interested or “Harnessing the Spark” is released.

If you want one, here’s what you have to do: 1) Follow me over at @ApocalypseComin on Twitter, 2) RT this tweet on your timeline and 3) send a reply on Twitter telling me why you want or need a signed copy of the book.

That’s it. Nothing else. I’ll do it every week until people stop asking for copies.

Good luck.

Thursday, February 23, 2012


Oh, hi there.

Look what I just got delivered to me!

I’m so excited to start it I think I’m gonna quit my job, go home, curl up on my big comfy couch, and start reading!

Travis, I hope you make a shitload of money from this, cause I’ll probably need to borrow some.

And I promise a review as soon as I’m done.


That smile AND my book? I just won the internet. Thanks Michelle!

Stack of books...

About to head to the post office to send these signed copies out. Thanks guys for the support.


Ok so I don’t follow this guy as of right now. I have however seen all the reblogs about the book.

From reading the description, it’s exactly my kind of book.

I’ll definitely write a review when I’m finished.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Thank you to my internet family...

Thank you guys, for all your support. Everyone who tweeted about it yesterday and continues to, plus all the copies you guys bought. I can’t thank you enough. Make sure, after you read it, let me know what you thought. Review it. Even if it’s a bad review. I can take it. The more reviews on Amazon, the more likely it is to get noticed or selected for suggestions to other readers.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The book comes out today! If you haven’t picked up your copy yet, do so today at Amazon.

If you haven’t reviewed it yet, do so as well. Thanks guys for all your support. WIthout you, I would have never finished this project.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

The book gets released Tuesday 2-21-12

The book has been available on Kindle for almost a week now.

The paperback has been available via link only for a few days now.

Press Release goes live on Monday.

I’m getting nervous. Very nervous. There is a part of me that doesn’t care if it sells a single copy because I feel that by writing it, I succeeded already. There is another part of me that fears failure more than anything and worries that if it doesn’t sell or is met with ridicule and bad reviews that it will have been for naught.

*deep breath*

Mikey's last stand


My name’s Michael but everyone calls me Squeal. I fucking hate it, so please call me Mikey. I just turned 8 years old… physically. I’m much older mentally. I have to be, otherwise I’d be dead by now, like my mother. My dad killed her. He’s a fucking asshole. Oh, he’s still around, he didn’t go to jail or anything. It’s not like he killed her with his own hands or a gun or anything. No, he made her do it herself like he did everything else. It kind of makes sense if you really think about it. He made her do everything for him, even cut up his god damn steak. Only fitting that his constant mental abuse drove her to parking her car in the garage, turning on the key, and turning off her life.

Dear, Michael.

Mommy loves you. I’m sorry I have to leave you but I think it’s best. Don’t hate me. I know you’re stronger than me and much smarter. I know you’ll find your own way out.


 It could have said the same thing in as few as three words, “Fuck You Michael”. 

She did leave me a note. At least.

How can an 8 year old possibly talk like this? you’re probably asking yourself right now. I’m sort of a genius with an abusive cocksucker of a father who only ever taught me one thing… excessive alcohol consumption leads to vomit on his 8 year old’s bedroom floor and subsequently the before mentioned 8 year old son cleaning it all up the next morning. Like I said, Cocksucker.

Squeal was the nickname given to me by Fred Cooper the first day of 7th grade. Yep, genius, remember? He said I looked like a tiny little piglet compared to everyone else. From that moment forth, everyone squeals and oinks like a little pig when I come into a classroom. The name stuck, unfortunately, and I was forever dubbed, “Squeal” by my peers.

Being so young compared to everyone else, I don’t have many friends. In fact, my only friend is Elphie, my Boston Terrier. Elphie’s 8 years old and never leaves my side. She’s the best dog in the whole wide world and has gotten me through the toughest moments of my life. Without Elphie, my existence would be pointless.

My birthday was yesterday. My father forgot. My grandma did not.

When I woke up I was first reminded that it was in fact my birthday by the brand new metallic blue 3-speed Huffy on the front porch, wrapped in a big red bow. A note hanging from the handlebar read, “I love you Michael! Happy Birthday - Nanny”. Immediately Elphie and I left my rundown 20 year old Schwinn behind the barn and took off, breaking in the new bicycle, cutting through the farmland and saying our good mornings to the neighboring cows. We took the long way around, partly to enjoy my birthday preset.

As we came into town, I rounded the corner and went though the park to avoid the woods that lead to the gravel quarry. The Cooper brothers hung out in those woods making forts and playing commando. Yes, you read that right, playing commando. They’re in middle school and still role playing. It’s sad really. Kinda pathetic too. Even though it was a straight shot to the school through those woods, I avoided them like the plague. The quarry was scary as hell and the Cooper brothers were mean as shit. Besides the fact that they seemed to get such great joy in kicking my ass.

Steering clear and following the bike path through the park instead, I popped out in front of the elementary school where Elphie and I planned on checking out the playground. I parked my new Huffy at the bike rack and started skipping toward the monkey bars.

“Hey guys, lookie here… if it isn’t Squeal and his lil’ mutt…” floated to my ear, carried on the breeze behind me, tip toeing up my shoulder and biting my ear.

I turned around just in time to see the dirt crusted to his knuckles before Fred’s fist connected with the soft flesh on the bridge of my nose, bringing water to my eyes, pain to fucking everything and me, crashing to my knees. Elphie started barking and growling as another Cooper’s fist followed, connected with my left temple. Immediately the world drained away, spinning down a black tunnel until the ground came rushing upward… smashing into my bleeding face.

When I finally came to, my bike was gone, along with Elphie. I rolled over, blinking up to the sky through dried blood. What happened? I started playing the last few moments back through my mind’s eye… gound, black hole, temple, nose, barking Elphie….

I jumped up and hobbled back toward the park entrance.

Not 10 yards from the entrance and I heard shouting coming from the park. Instinctively, my legs rushed me the last few steps and diverted the direction of my sprint toward the woods entrance. Running as fast as I could with a pounding head and still bleeding nose, I followed the dirt path toward the sound of Elphie’s barking. The trail was a narrow maze of forks and dead ends.

I tried to navigate the trail as best I could with my pounding head, but I kept running in circles and ending up on the same path that ran along the edge of the quarry. One slip and a 30 foot fall to the limestone rock bed below would fuck up an 8 year old’s chances of ever seeing 9 in about as many seconds. A few times, I had to resort to ducking behind a sticker bush to avoid various Cooper boys. Eventually, however, I found the street that ran toward my house.

Upon reaching my porch I was greeted by a bouncing, grumbling Boston Terrier, licking my face and knocking me backwards down the stairs, “I love you Elphie! I’m so glad you’re ok! You’re such a brave dog outsmarting those stupid assholes…” 

Elphie and I enjoyed the afternoon in our own backyard sitting under the sun until my headache drove me to the couch. When my father came home, he took one look at me, shook his head, threw me a washcloth and called me a pussy for not fighting back against the boys that outnumbered me 4 to 1 and were all twice my size… Like I said, Cocksucker.


The sun sporadically smacks me in my face through the branches as the trail flies by beneath my churning pedals. The Cooper boys are only feet behind me, screaming and shouting my nickname. If I slow and they catch me, the nose that was still bleeding when I got up this morning will surely end up being the least of my problems.

As if to read my mind, Elphie takes the fork to the left as I take the path to the right. “Meet you at the porch Elphie!” I yell to my brave little partner in crime. She barks her approval.

This morning, Elphie and I had decided the Cooper boys needed to pay for stealing my bike. We got up and rode my old Schwinn directly to the police station. After explaining the situation, Elphie and I were introduced to Detective Jones who took my statement but hardly believed that the Cooper brothers would ever do anything like that. An hour later, we were on our way to the park, hopeful we’d eventually get my new bicycle back.

Our fun and games were stopped short when Fred Cooper rode up on my Huffy. “So Squeal… try to get me arrested, huh? My Dad’s the Sheriff dumbass.”

I looked up just as Elphie’s ears dropped back and a low deadly growl started in her throat. Fred just stood there laughing as I grabbed my old Schwinn and started for the park. As I got close to the entrance, I was cut off by the remaining Cooper brothers. The next few minutes they’d corralled us and herded Elphie and I into the woods, heading straight for the quarry.

“Meet you at the porch Elphie!” I shout once more as her barks fade off in the distance. Her idea to divide and conquer had obviously worked as I pop out onto my street without a single Cooper chasing. I make my way home and plop down in the afternoon sun, waiting for Elphie to arrive.

After an hour and no snorting Boston Terrier, I decide I’d better go back just in case she was hiding or lost. Making my way cautiously through the woods I spend what seems like a lifetime calling her name and looking up and down each and every trail. Not a Cooper brother in sight.

I finally find her, curled up under a bush near the edge of the quarry cliff.  I bend down to see if she’s sleeping, but as I get close, Elphie turns and snaps my hand. Her tiny little teeth break the skin and the blood starts to trickle down my fingers. “What the hell Elphie? It’s me, Mikey.”

Elphie’s breathing slows and she tenderly rolls her head back toward me. It’s at this moment I see what’s wrong. Elphie’s front leg is covered in blood and matted fur reveals a paw twisted unnaturally skyward. Tears start to flow freely as she rolls over and I see the tiny tree branch sticking out of her innocent face where her left eye used to be.

“Oh God… Elphie…” I whisper between sobs as my crying completely takes over. Elphie crawls on her good paw, dragging herself toward me, whimpering with every inch. I reach down and carefully draw her body close to mine. Her breathing is shallow, ragged and slowing further as she puts her head in my lap. I pet her brow, my lip quivering and my hand shaking. With one last exhaled breath, Elphie’s head relaxes against my thigh and I feel her body go limp. I look into her eye and the spark of life that was there just a moment before vanishes behind a glossy haze.


A month ago, Fred Cooper and his brothers tortured and killed my best friend. Today I exact my revenge.

I ride through the park toward the elementary school where the Cooper boys are sure to be beating up 6th graders for fun. The bag on my shoulder full of eggs bounces with every shift of my body as I pedal hard left, then right and back again. Slowing to keep the eggs from cracking, I muster every bit of courage I have left. “This is for you Elphie.” I think to myself. It drives me forward.

I park my old dusty Schwinn at the entrance to the woods and make my way on foot to the bike rack where my metallic blue Huffy rests, mocking me among the broken and smashed pieces of shit belonging to the rest of the Cooper boys. I open my bag and start smashing eggs on all of their seats.

“Hey! It’s Squeal! What the fuck is he doin to our bikes!?!” Fred yells.

“Get him!” someone else shouts.

“You’re so fucking dead Squeal!”

I smile.

Looking up from my work, I see the gang running at me like stampeding buffalo. I stand and hurl the remaining eggs their way, connecting with half. It slows them enough to see me grab my crotch with my left hand and flip them the bird with my right. “Fuck you Cooper! Your mother takes it in the ass like the cum guzzling queen she is for a fucking quarter behind the 7-11 you pieces of shit!” I scream at the top of my lungs, throwing more gasoline on the fire.

With that I turn and run as fast as I can for my old bike chanting, “FUCK YOU!” with every stride. The eggs on their bikes slow them enough that I get a free break into the woods. I pedal as fast as I can putting some distance between us, making my way effortlessly through the familiar maze of trails…

As soon as I can see Fred catching up on the trail behind me, I speed up. Left at the first fork. Right at the second fork. Looking over my shoulder, they’re still right behind me. Right at the big boulder. Right at the next fork. Left at the oak stump.

I see the end of the trail ahead, coming up fast. I take a sharp right at the last second onto the narrow trail I’d been riding up and down every day the last three weeks. Looking back, Fred nearly misses the corner. His first brother does and runs into a sticker bush. One more glance back and the whole gang has corrected and is right behind me in a conga line of angry adolescent testosterone.

Time slows in my mind and I think back to the day Elphie broke off and went left while I ventured right. If she hadn’t lead them away, I would have surely received the worst beating of my life. Maybe they would have shoved a stick in my eye instead of hers. I miss her more and more every day. The thought of her never again curling up in the crook of my leg under the covers as I drift off to sleep starts a fresh stream of tears down my cheeks and brings me back to the mission at hand.

Just in time I might add. I make a hard left at the giant oak tree and see the large sticker bush approaching fast. I brace, and leap off my bike into the bush. Hundreds of thorns poke through my flesh and pin me into the roots as my bike continues up the path between the bush edge and over the small dirt mound. I pull myself tighter into the bush and duck my head as bicycle after bicycle passes by… up the path I’d carved in the woods… over the mound… and out of sight.

My sobs slowly turn to shakes and the tears turn to giggles as I hear blood curdling scream after torturous cry as one by one, each of the Cooper boys launch off the dirt mound, into the blue July heat and fall to the quarry bed below with a thudding crash of metal and snap of limbs… My crying stops and turns to full fledged laughter as I realize, no matter what I’m never getting my Huffy back in one piece now.

I'm thinking about reblogging some old stuff...

Friday, February 17, 2012

Personalized copies...

Because people have asked.

Anyone interested in a personalized copy (I feel like such a tool even typing this…) should email me or “ask me” here. We’ve set up a very sad little protocol for now. Eventually I hope to have copies to sell or give away but for now, everything I have has been sent off except for my personal copies. Yes, copieS. I have to have three. One to read, one to never open so the binding remains unbroken, and one just in case something happens to one of the other two…

For immediate release

Insomniac’s Autobiography ‘Lost In Infinity’ Provides A Fresh Twist To The World Of Horror Fiction

‘Lost in Infinity’ is the gothic memoir of a chronic insomniac suffering from apeirophobia (the fear of infinity). The novel unfolds the history of the author’s life as he tries to unlock repressed memories through a near schizophrenic relationship with his own splintered subconscious.

Author Travis Besecker offers a no holds barred look into the private confessions of a man on the precipice of a mental breakdown in his new thriller, ‘Lost in Infinity’ (424 pp., tpb, $16.95). The recurring theme of deja vu leads the audience through the story giving glimpses of a dark past while offering anecdotes that will relate to every reader. Mixing in humor and satire with the tragedy of a childhood spent under the microscope of therapists keeps the mood light as he digs deeper into his past looking for the root of his problems.

The author pulls back the curtain and reveals the dark inner workings of his mind as he fears his slow deliberate path toward schizophrenia. Mathematics, religion, time travel and the butterfly effect plague his mind as he explains his relationship with the unanswered questions about our existence. The author touches on suicide, stress, parenthood, relationships and careers to keep his audience hooked as they wait for the ultimate reveal.

The reader will feel as if they’ve read the book before. Maybe they have? All is not as it seems. The feeling of deja vu may be more than just a feeling. What if the author’s fears are justified? What if the world is stuck in an infinite cycle set to skip and repeat for eternity? What if we are all simply lost in infinity?

Influenced by Kurt Vonnegut, Philip K. Dick and Chuck Palahniuk, ‘Lost in Infinity’ provides an intimate look into the mind of a broken man as he looks for the answer to the question, “what is the meaning of life?”

Travis Besecker is an active product developer, designer and comedy writer. Using his chronic insomnia as an inspirational tool, he found early success in social media and print. Although he gained notoriety with his humor, he has confessed his preference for the dark nature of horror and suspense. In 2011 he broke the silence on his lifelong struggle with apeirophobia and began work on his first novel. Travis is currently working on his second novel, a horror fantasy taking place during the zombie apocalypse titled ‘Harnessing the Spark’.

Lost in Infinity
Author: Travis Besecker
ISBN: 978-1469973463
Retail: Available on Amazon in Trade Paperback and in ebook for Kindle

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West Milton, Ohio 45383