Monday, October 14, 2013

Scavenger Hunt

My little sister turned 30 on Saturday.  For the last seven years she has been giving me increased shit over my foray into the realm of 'mature adulthood' so when it came time for her to flip her odometer into the life of a thirtysomething, it needed to be commemorated in style.  My 30th birthday was fantastic, marked by a surprise party at my favorite restaurant where my wife secretly brought together a huge group of friends, both past and present, to drink, eat and be merry, all to the sounds of one of my favorite bands, who she had persuaded to headline the shindig.  Not a huge band, one that I'd been working with for a few years through GetOffended, but a damn good band nonetheless who contained guys who quickly became some steadfast and lifelong friends.  I ended up so drunk I knocked over a table after consuming an ill-conceived "Irish CarBomb" using a pitcher of Guinness and a glass with more than 4 fingers of Bailey's and Jameson... all in all, it was a night I'll never forget.  I have my wife to thank for that.  My sister's party needed to be as memorable or more so.  Her husband pulled it off.  Well, he set the thing in motion and her brood of friends pulled it off.  The lack of inhibition or intelligence or both coupled with a complete disregard for law and order and all things considered 'normal' meant this party will always be remembered.  There are tattoos to prove it.

Here is the complete scavenger hunt rules and checklist as it was supplied to the party... trust me, nearly everything was completed and/or attempted by at least 2 of the groups.  There were multiple shaved mohawks, two tattoo'd asses, a neighborhood retention pond whose skinny-dipping cherry was popped (did I mention my sister is the neighborhood Homeowners Association President?), a bunch of very confused local patrons, guests at my parents' house who got to see a couple of ass tattoos and a raid on their liquor cabinet, one shaved leg that is going to grow back so disfigured its owner could play a walk-on role in the next "messin' with sasquatch" commercial and a dozen or so cell phones full of incriminating evidence.

Enjoy.  Happy Birthday, sis.

Scavenger Hunt Rules

- The scavenger hunt takes place in the boundaries of XXXXXXXXXXXX County Ohio.
- Scavenger hunt lasts between the hours of 6pm and 9pm. For every 5 minutes a team is late, 5 point deduction.
- Scavenger Hunt teams will be split into teams of 3,4,5… must fit a single car load.
- All team members must be present during the entirety of every checklist item.
- All check list things to complete are under a certain point range, the amount of actual points given for each completion will be determined by the judge after the competition based on creativity, style, team participation and the "holy shit" factor.
- The Judge reserves the right to award bonus points for an achieved checklist item that the team goes extremely above and beyond the minimum requirement.
- All accomplished challenges must be in video or photo form unless items are required

1-2 Point Checklist:

- All team members wear a paper hat from a restaurant
- An orange straw
- A receipt for 83¢ in gasoline
- Teammate standing in a dumpster
- Teammate in a ball pit
- 3 croutons from a grocery store
- 27 catsup packets
- Teammate by the local "Welcome to XXXXXX, Bend Over and Grab Your Ankles" pissed about city tax sign
- A random stranger's autograph
- Teammate pole dancing on a "Main Street" sign
- Entire team sharing a beverage simultaneously.
- Break a raw egg on a teammate's foot.
- A receipt for a glass of water
- Go through a drive-thru and order a "McGangBang"
- Teammate petting a stranger's dog
- Wearing a pair of sandals with socks on
- Fill out and turn in an application at Lowe's or Home Depot
- Teammate in front of a Corvette
- Entire team singing the "Wheels on the Bus" while driving
- 7 Blueberries

3-4 Point Checklist:

- Teammate doing something obscene with a banana
- Shave a male teammate's single leg
- Teammate pumping a random person's gas
- 2 or more teammates in a grocery cart in front of the beer section
- Eat 7 banana peppers from Papa John's
- Drink a full Guinness
- Dress up a fire hydrant
- Make a human chalk outline on a public street
- Go fishing in a public fountain
- Entire team sitting in an electronics section of a store watching a movie
- Arrange fruit in the shape of a face
- Teammate biting a corn procured from a farmer's cornfield
- Paint only the pinky finger of the entire team black
- Whole team crawling through a drive-thru
- Male teammate wearing heels in a public venue
- A piece of currency from the year 1983
- Play hide-n-seek in a clothing section
- Steal a single wiper blade from an opposing team's vehicle
- Make an "I am Cornholio" video
- Team member giving a statue a lapdance (must last more than 20 seconds)
- Locate an out of state license plate.
- Prank call a teammate's brother or sister
- Get the phone number from a random stranger under the age of 30
- 5 French Fries longer than 3"

5-7 Point Checklist:

- Teammate walking barefoot in a river
- A receipt for an eyebrow wax
- Change out the right front tire of your vehicle for a spare
- Prove that you drove more than 50 miles over the course of the night
- Teammate trying on an unbought article of clothing from the Adam & Eve adult store
- Teammate wearing a random stranger's shirt at a bar
- Have a random stranger buy you a drink
- Receive a citation from a police officer for having too much fun.
- 3 random store employees doing a Charlie's Angels-esque pose
- Entire team humming the Mission Impossible theme while sneaking through a department store
- Make a drink for a bartender at a bar
- A private address with a house number that says, "1983"
- Male teammate dropping pants to ankles while using a public urinal
- Give Ashley's dad a high-five and ask for a drink of water at their house
- Ride a bicycle with helmet and padding inside a department store
- Photo evidence of a teammate the farthest distance away from the party
- Entire team must recite the pledge of allegiance simultaneously inside of the Autozone on Main Street between 7:45pm and 8:00pm
- Teammates must fill pockets with bells and have a foot race through a department store
- At exactly 7pm, pull into the BP gas station on Main Street and the entire team must complete an imaginary NASCAR Pitstop

15-20 Point Checklist:

- Get a permanent tattoo of your name
- Bring a random stranger back to the party to drink after the conclusion of the scavenger hunt. Nobody in attendance can know who this person is.
- 2 or more teammates go skinny dipping in a public locale
- Best alcoholic beverage that any team can bring back for the Judge
- Shave a teammate's head into a 2-stripe mohawk.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

I may never recover...

Whenever I close my eyes, I'll forever see this monstrosity. What could possibly possess my son's orthodontist to believe this stuffed animal could, in any way, be anything but frightening and life changing for a child?  I may never recover.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

someone actually let me write something on their blog...

...and I only mentioned one headless corpse and a colon full of action figures.

Read my guest post on focus at Frankie Blooding's blog 

and then check out her work at

Finding Focus

The guidelines for this guest post were vague. I love vague. “Any topic is good as long as it’s writing/book related,” I was told. Someone with a brain that wanders freely such as mine needs direction, boundaries and discipline to maintain focus. I love vague, I have a strong aversion to boundaries and discipline was never my strong suit.
Two minutes into writing this post and I’m already miles away from any intended target.
According to an article I found on the internet, whose validity is questionable at best, the most effective way to maintain focus is a multi-step process which begins with adequate sleep and ends with making sure you are passionate and happy about the task you’re performing. Sprinkled in the middle were mini rewards for your hard work and dedication, finding the right music and isolation from distractions. After reading this article I clicked on a link in the footer attached to an x-ray image of an abdomen filled with what appeared to be die-cast Lord of the Rings characters. Two hours later I was buying a t-shirt from Think Geek with a schematic for the ‘Serenity’ Series 3 Firefly silkscreened on the front. Obviously I had read over the original article with uninspired vitality.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Wise Bear Books review of 'Lost in Infinity' ... "a wonderful avant-garde achievement"

Review generated by Wise Bear Books

Lost in Infinity has moments of brilliance punctuated by sheer frustration. The book's lengthy summary does its best to simultaneously attract and deter all but serious readers. Clearly, this novel isn't for everyone as it's an exercise in patience, wading through the unconventional structure and repetitious literary progression. However, there's a method to Besecker's madness as the concept of déjà vu is a key theme and plot device.

Travis suffers from chronic insomnia, which brings the added bonus of a variety of other emotional and social debilitating behaviors and phobias including a fear of infinity, or apeiraphobia in psychiatric terms. We've all experienced occasional restless nights of sleep, and you might think you understand what it means to be an insomniac; but the severity and ultimate consequences of not being able to sleep for days, weeks, or even months until your body literally shuts down, is inconceivable.

Diagnosed at the age of seven, Travis has had to cope with his condition for nearly three decades. It's impossible not to feel tremendous compassion for this young boy who copes by sneaking 20-minute cat naps several times a day and then must endure the nightly terror of a shadow presence who only serves to ratchet up Travis's fear of vast nothingness.Travis's condition is exacerbated by his genius-level intellect, which causes him to question, protest and defy anyone he believes intellectually incompetent. There is a fine line between madness and brilliance, and Travis is a ticking time bomb.

It takes years for Travis's concerned parents to understand the severity of their son’s condition, but eventually he connects with Katherine, a psychiatrist who manages to bear up fairly well under Travis's constant challenging behavior. Each chapter begins with a small glimpse into their sessions together. Katherine has given Travis a red spiral notebook for journaling, which she reviews at the beginning of each of their sessions. The problem—Travis is neither cooperative nor forthcoming in their exploratory work together.

Travis's highly-gifted intellect eventually propels him into a variety of creative career fields with reasonable success. He is married and father to two boys who seem to have elements of his own condition. It's important to note that while other characters exist in this book, they are mostly referential in nature, as the spotlight is always squarely on Travis and his delicate psyche.

As an adult, he seems to have managed his condition quite well. At 30, his life begins to spiral out of control into a tornado of depression and self-destructive behavior. Travis is on the verge of a psychotic break, which is a crucial element to revealing the story's ending.

In general, the novel reads like a memoir until you get 90% through—that's when the plot twists kick in, leaving no doubt about the fictional fusion with the author's reality. The debatable creation of the book's content made for lively discussion amongst our collaborative review team. How much of the content is autobiographical? Could or does this really happen to genius-level insomniacs? We can't offer any definitive answers, but you can be sure this story is truly thought provoking.

Lost in Infinity has a lot of good things working for it. The story is unique and evokes a broad range of emotions and lasting reactions from readers. It's easy to get invested in Travis's dilemma and hard to forget the psychological impact of the story.

You'll want to help fix this poor kid's circumstances, but Lost in Infinity is not that kind of novel. Readers will be pushed to confront many of their own black fantasies in the context of the novel's circular time looping quality.

Stylistically, Lost in Infinity is a wonderful avant-garde achievement. Although plot and time lines may shift in confusing and unexpected ways, the abrupt nature of the structure is merely echoing the conflict within Travis. The real triumph of this book is that readers will actually share in the frustration of fictional Travis as Besecker's writing immerses readers into this fascinating yet uncomfortable story.

The all-important title and cover are outstanding. The front cover concept is based on Travis's red spiral journaling notebook with terrified drawings of his shadowy tormentor. Too often, book covers don't reflect the essence of the author's story, but Besecker's cover and title work in perfect partnership with book's plot as well as its summary.
The book has a Stephen King-esque feel about it. Like King, Besecker is clearly a lover of psychological terror. The only thing missing from this book is some blood and gore and then you'd have a full blown horror novel.

Our only minor dissatisfaction comes from the story's ending, or lack thereof, as it seemed contrary to the course and direction of the first 90% of the book. The final twist abruptly moves the story out of its sweet spot, the concept of infinite nothingness, into an explanation that felt a little forced and random. We get what the author was going for or maybe we were just waiting and hoping for a good old slasher scene, but the conclusion didn't resonate with us as much as we'd hoped. That said, the final twist didn't dislodge our overall praise for this innovative literary work. And we love that the author wisely fictionalized his personal struggles rather than trying to write a memoir and have readers call into question so many of the surreal details of being a chronic insomniac.

Lost in Infinity has moments of brilliance punctuated by sheer frustration. The book's lengthy summary does its best to simultaneously attract and deter all but serious readers. Clearly, this novel isn't for everyone as it's an exercise in patience, wading through the unconventional structure and repetitious literary progression. However, there's a method to Besecker's madness as the concept of déjà vu is a key theme and plot device . . . Oops, there's that circular time loop we were talking about . . . in truth the book's summary says it best, "This book is not for everyone." But if you’re a fan of psychological dramas laced with elements of terror in the vein of Stephen King, Ray Bradbury, Clive Barker, and Kurt Vonnegut, then Lost in Infinity is a must-read for you.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

'Lost in Infinity' announced as a 2013 Digital Book Awards Finalist

'Lost in Infinity' was named a Wise Bear Digital Book Awards 2013 Finalist. The final award decisions will be announced in the next couple of weeks.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

THE MURPH - a recap

Yesterday marked my first attempt at the Memorial Day Murph. My brother-in-law, Josh, had suggested we give it a shot about 2 months ago. Me, being up for any challenge of the like, accepted without really knowing what I was getting myself into.

The Murph is a crossfit workout done around the country on Memorial Day to honor fallen Navy SEAL Lt. Michael Murphy who received the Medal of Honor after exposing himself to enemy fire and knowingly leaving his position of cover to get a clear signal in order to communicate with his headquarters. He provided his unit’s location and requested immediate support then returned to his position to continue fighting until he died from his wounds. There is a book by Marcus Luttrell called 'Lone Survivor' that chronicles the operation.

The Murph crossfit workout is based on Lt. Murphy's own favorite workout that he dubbed "Body Armor" because the SEALS completed the workout wearing their 20lb body armor vests.

The above backstory was given to me by my brother as a ploy to garner support. It worked, plus it just sounded like something impossible which in turn means I must attempt it.

Here it is... 1 mile run, then 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, 300 squats and another mile run. I was told you can break down the pull-ups/push-ups/squats to a more reasonable circuit set (ie 10 pull-ups / 20 push-ups / 30 squats / repeat 10 times) so that was how I trained.

Come race day, I arrived with Josh, who brought along his 20lb vest of body armor because he has a lizard brain. There were 40 people registered to give it a shot. They offered bands on the pull-up bars to hook your feet in for support, bands to wrap your upper body in to aid in the push-ups and even suggested doing some of the push-ups on your knees if needed. They also offered a modified 1/2 Murph which consisted of 1/2 mile run / 50 pull-ups / 100 push-ups / 150 squats / 1/2 mile run. Here is the kicker... because of the limited space and the number of people attempting the race, they required you to do it without circuits. You must do all of your pull-ups before moving on to the push-ups and complete those before moving on to the squats.

Many opted for the 1/2 and/or bands for assistance.

Immediately my body started to shut down. I could feel my heart start to speed up and my knees wobble. It was like getting hit in the face with a 2x4. I turned toward Josh whose lizard brain was already taking over... "We're doing the full thing right?" he asked.

"Of course," I said as every fiber of my being screamed denial.

Ten minutes passed and we watched the first heat of 10 runners take off. One of which was an active Navy SEAL in full fatigues and body armor. "Screw it. I'll be back." Josh walked out of the gym on a collision course with his SUV. He emerged from the backseat with his own body armor.

I knew at that point, my fate was sealed. If he was going to do the full, in armor, without bands or assistance... I was too (sans body armor because I'm already carrying around an extra 20lbs consisting of Guinness, pizza and hot wings).

The cross-fit trainers at the gym pulled our group aside and told us they were pushing our start time back 30 minutes because the first two heats were taking a lot longer than anticipated clearing the pull-up racks (ya think?)... more waiting, sweating and baking in our own anticipation. They explained that because of the great turn out, not to think of it as a race, think of it as a marathon. We were going to end up fighting for station space and room in the gym to do squats and push-ups. That was 100% fine with me. Training, I was able to complete the circuits in 35 minutes. I figured adding in the adrenaline and race-day competitive push minus the runs and the exhaustion factor I was going to be able to top 45 minutes (a personal best). Breaking 45 minutes went right out the door when they took away the circuits. I was going to be happy just finishing. Josh had gone into this wanting to break 30 minutes without body armor. Our whole game plan was null and void.

Ten minutes before our revised heat was to begin, the trainers grabbed us and pulled us out front for a warm-up crossfit stretch to ensure no pulled or torn muscles. Stretch? More like an added 10 minute workout. I was dripping with sweat before they ever fired the starting pistol.

We took off in the rain (yes, in the rain) for our first mile. The course was actually only 1/4 mile long down and uphill, turn around and head back down and uphill. Upon returning to the gym, you had your final chance to switch to the half or head around for your second lap. My desire to run straight into the gym was cut short when I saw Josh rounding the building heading for the full run... fuck.

Heading back inside after the mile I found an empty station on the pull-up rack at the exact opposite end as Josh (who was already 25 pull-ups in). I'm a short guy and the rack was 7' high... I needed a 20" plyo box to grab the bar. I wasn't about to jump up and miss the bar. If I could do it now, I wouldn't be able to after 75 pull-ups. I figured my best bet was to start intelligently and finish in one piece. Josh and I had worked out a half-ass plan before we began. Because we weren't able to run circuits, the smart thing would be hammer out as many as you could before hitting muscle failure, take a break and repeat until the 100 were finished.

I started with 20 conventional reverse grip pull ups. The few people around me that were not using assistance bands were "kipping" straight pull-ups. This is something I've never been able to master; I blame it on my strict diet of Guinness and fried chicken. At 60 pull-ups the bar across from Josh opened up. I moved down to see how he was doing. "Where are you at?"

He didn't answer, just held his left hand up, palm out... The blister that had ripped open was about an inch and a half long and bleeding. Apparently, in his excitement that morning, he'd remembered his body armor but forgotten gloves. I gave him mine and used the opportunity to take a breather. He was at 85 and knocked out the last 15 while I contemplated hiding in the restroom until everyone had left for the day.

I attempted 20 pull-ups without gloves, using just the chalk next to the rack... How he cranked out 85 that way boggles me.

Sets of twenty quickly dropped to sets of 15, then 10, then 8 with 30 second breaks in between. The last ten pull-ups came in sets of 2-3 to ensure my Frosted Flakes didn't make an encore appearance.

I dropped and hit the floor next to Josh. He was 120 in on his push-ups before I started number one. I was so happy I'd finished the pull-ups I was able to crank through the push-ups in sets of 15-20 without too much problem.

Squats were going to be my downfall. This was the part I'd been dreading most of all. After tearing my ACL and meniscus last summer playing soccer and undergoing pretty extensive surgery (I now have a cadaver tendon in both knees as well as a repaired right meniscus and a left meniscus that was removed, repaired and actually sewn in place on my bone) and 6 months of rehab, my left leg is still only hitting on 5-6 cylinders at best. The atrophy in my left quad has yet to dissipate.

I was 60 squats in when Josh finished and bolted for his second mile run. Without my motivation in sight I slowed considerably. At 150 the event photographer started snapping pictures in my direction. I cranked out another 50 while sucking in my gut... As she turned her attention to another station, I nearly vomited. I stood and started walking to my car without really realizing it. Half way there I came to the conclusion I was grabbing a Gatorade out of the cooler in my backseat.

I jogged back into the gym, Gatorade in hand and knocked out another 90 before Josh re-entered to complete his Murph. "How many do you have left?" he asked.

"Ten," I think I said.

"C'mon, just do it. You got it."

That was all I needed. I finished and sprinted for the second mile. Ok, so "sprinted" may be a strong word... I hobbled with speed.

I made it half way to the turn around before I heard footsteps coming up from behind with intent.

Josh had dropped his body armor and along with my nephew, was going to finish my second mile with me. It meant a lot. Josh's final time was right at an hour in 25lbs of body armor. I finished up 12 minutes later with him effectively running a 5K in tow.

I didn't vomit. That's why I consider it a success.

Today, I feel like I've been run over by a truck. My armpits ache. I coughed earlier and nearly blacked out. My toes hurt. The back of my thighs are so tight and sore, if I have to poop, I'm just going to lean up against the back of the house because I know if I try to sit down on a toilet, it'll take Mel Gibson, a bathtub and a block of C4 to get me off the seat.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

'Lost in Infinity' available in new eBook formats

Lost in Infinity is now available through Google Play, Nook, Smashwords and iTunes...  

Smashwords: $2.99
Google Play: $2.99
iTunes: $2.99

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Book of the Month at

'Lost in Infinity' was named Book of the month for May at I'm honored to be a part of their site. Check out the review they posted as well. (click here for the full review)

Déjà vu? It’s the feeling that something has already happened before.  Did I read that before? Lost in Infinity had me asking this question on more than one occasion.  Following the story of a troubled youth suffering insomnia and a fear of infinity seemed like plot enough, but the fact that my brain was toyed with and strung along through this story only thrust me in further. 
What is infinity? Imagine floating through space, gazing into the wide span of darkness and tiny specs of light that create an abyss without beginning or end.  The mere thought causes a powerful reaction: racing heart, surge of electricity pulsating through veins, exasperated gulps of air.  It’s apeiraphobia, a fear of infinity, combine that with insomnia, a strange inner voice and The Shadow Man and a child can go stark raving mad.  Did this child go mad? 
The story runs haphazardly between recollections, rantings, and current events causing the reader to shake his head and try to make sense out of it all.  Does this work? Stick with the story, stick with the facts no matter how often they are repeated, stick with the character despite the constant feeling of déjà vu to find the plot is not at all what was expected. 
Lost in Infinity creates the ground work for one story but leads into the path of another.  It seems repetitive and redundant at points, but stay with the story to discover why these feelings of déjà vu are so important.  Definitely not a book for everyone, but for those who enjoy a good insanity based book and don’t mind a sadistic twist in plot, this is a must read.  Its Shutter Island meets One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and the author makes it work, leaving the reader to grasp at straws wanting to know if the cycle ever ends.  What cycle? Read the book! 
We are pleased to feature this quality book on  We are also pleased to announce that out of the four books we read last month, this one is our new May Book of the Month. 
The Staff at Writing Apocalypse

Thanks to the staff at Writing Apocalypse and to Tania L Ramos for her review. 

Monday, April 22, 2013

as if that would stop me from cashing a check...

I normally keep pretty quiet about what I do for a steady paycheck (because we all know how much money comes from being a 'writer')... Those of you who know my origins. are privy to my past exploits and what I'm ultimately at the helm of will not be surprised at all to see the above check (blurred out for privacy)... For the rest of you, no, I'm not in the adult entertainment industry. I'm in the horribly offensive joke / sticker / poster / t-shirt industry. My ties to the adult entertainment industry are modest and for shits and giggles at best.

Take note at the 'Memo'. It's no doubt that this is an attempt to keep me from cashing this royalty check. Little do they know I could care less. In fact, looking down at my chest, I see I'm currently wearing a classic black t-shirt with "FISTING... It's all fun and games until someone loses a watch" silkscreened on the front. They know not who they're dealing with.

By the way, my parents are extremely proud.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Sometimes you come across something so disturbing you MUST share...

per the Huffington Post:

Eel Removed From Man After Getting Stuck, Chewing Through Colon (GRAPHIC PHOTOS)

Do not try this at home. Do not try this anywhere. Just do not try it.

A man in China's southeastern Guangdong province admitted himself to a local hospital after he reportedly got a live eel stuck inside him. According to British tabloid The Sun, the man inserted the 20-inch-long Asian swamp eel into his anus after seeing it done in a porn movie, and he had to endure all-night surgery to have it extracted.

According to a HuffPost translation of Chinese news aggregation website, the eel reportedly chewed through the man's colon, perforating his large intestine, and became stuck in his body cavity. A graphic X-ray image (seen below) shows how far inside the eel was when the man came in for treatment.

Medical team members reportedly said the eel, which was “simply trying to find its way out," was alive when removed but died shortly thereafter. According to The Sun, the man is still recovering at the hospital and might face animal cruelty charges.

The Asian swamp eel -- also known as the rice eel or rice paddy eel -- is a snake-shaped fish that is commonly sold live at food markets in East Asian countries.

Although this type of eel is known as an invasive species in parts of the United States, this isn't the first time that it's made its way into (ahem) foreign habitats.

In 2012, a New Zealand man had to have an eel removed from his posterior. In 2010, a Chinese man died after his friends allegedly inserted an eel into his rectum as a joke.

An X-ray image shows how far inside the man's body the eel was able to get.
This photo, provided by Europics, shows the eel after it was removed from the man.

Blog Tour and other random droppings...

I'm considering it. Why? Why not?

It'll give me something to do while I wait for the dust to settle over the last book signing debacle... how was I supposed to know his hair was attached? Mob mentality can be lethal and cucumbers can leave permanent scars if thrown hard enough.

Mark Tufo's 'Zombie Fallout' series still has me enthralled.

Need to find the time to venture forth for 'EVIL DEAD' regardless of what my gut tells me.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Memorial Day Murph

Against my better judgement, under the pressure of an older sibling who makes these things sound much easier and more fun than they really are, signed up for the local round of the 2013 Memorial Day Murph. I'm joking, it's for a great cause and although my body will hate me afterward, it's doable and should be a cool experience.

from their website:

June 28th, 2005 
A team of 4 Navy SEALs led by LT. Michael P. Murphy on a mission to capture or kill a key Taliban leader, found themselves seriously outnumbered in a firefight with well over 100 enemy troops. Pinned down and under intense enemy fire, their communications operator severely wounded, they were in desperate need for help. Due to the mountainous terrain, their communications could not be received. Understanding the situation, LT. Michael P. Murphy moved to open exposing himself to enemy fire, to use his satelite phone to request immediate support to save his team. LT Murphy was mortally wounded making that call. They continued fighting until Lt. Murphy and two of his three team mates were mortally wounded. His fourth team member, severly injured himself, managed to escape where he was taken in by a local villager until he was rescued 4 days later. He went on to tell the story in a book titled “The Lone Survivor”
For his selfless leadership, courageous actions and extraordinary devotion to duty, LT. Michael P. Murphy received the Medal of Honor, the first service menber to receive the medal in Operation Enduring Freedom, and the first Navy recipient of the medal since Vietnam. 
Lt Murphy had a favorite workout he would do to prepare for his deployments. He would make sure he wore his body armor for this workout, which he started calling “Body Armor” After his death, it was renamed and would now be referred to as “Murph”. A very demanding workout had just been given a name, and a soul.

What is 'The Murph'?

  • 1 Mile Run to start
  • 100 Pull-ups
  • 200 Push-ups
  • 300 Squats
  • 1 mile run to finish
I'm just going to go ahead and start apologizing to my quads now. To prepare, and in a fruitless effort to compete with my over-the-top-fit S.W.A.T. bro, I'll be attempting it at least once per week as part of my normal workout routine because I'm an idiot. Maybe I can talk him into doing it with his kevlar and/or gear on...

Yesterday was my initial run through. I skipped the running and ran out of time.
60 pullups / 120 push-ups / 180 squats in 22 minutes.
According to the average on the Murph is 45:00. I'd be happy with 50:00.
My goal is:
10:00 1 mile run
30:00 pull ups/push-ups/squats
10:00 1 mile run

I have until 5-27-13 to make that happen.

Issuing a formal apology to my body, as a whole, in advance.

If you want to sign up and give it a go, check out

don't ask

Tuesday, March 19, 2013


serious thought

I am an atheist by deduction.
That said, I fantasize about leaving mainstream social bindings and living a life of asceticism.... without the religion, of course. I probably wouldn’t do it forever, but I’d definitely enjoy the solitude. I can go days without interacting with another human being except for my children, because, well, they ask a lot of fucking questions and I do receive an immense amount of personal joy from their presence, watching them and being a part of their lives… but… the life of a recluse seems so numbing. And wonderful.
I can imagine being the only person left on the planet and being just perfectly fine with that.
I would crawl back in on myself and live in the world in my own head. Content. Peaceful. Without guilt or judgement or consequence.
There’s a medicinal equivalent of this... It is lovely. For awhile.
There’s a mental equivalent of this... It can be lovely. For awhile.
I don’t want to ever fall asleep again. I want to bask in my own delusions and build a perfect society in my head until the time comes when I finally meet the finality of the final sleep.
Sorry, you guys aren’t invited. It would kind of defeat the purpose.
In death, because I do not believe in an afterlife, I find solace in the dream that the world I’ve come to fantasize about will thrive in my head forever and I’ll leave this existence behind and relish in my own thought, leaving the concept of passed time far behind.