Tuesday, March 19, 2013

serious thought

I am an atheist by deduction.
That said, I fantasize about leaving mainstream social bindings and living a life of asceticism.... without the religion, of course. I probably wouldn’t do it forever, but I’d definitely enjoy the solitude. I can go days without interacting with another human being except for my children, because, well, they ask a lot of fucking questions and I do receive an immense amount of personal joy from their presence, watching them and being a part of their lives… but… the life of a recluse seems so numbing. And wonderful.
I can imagine being the only person left on the planet and being just perfectly fine with that.
I would crawl back in on myself and live in the world in my own head. Content. Peaceful. Without guilt or judgement or consequence.
There’s a medicinal equivalent of this... It is lovely. For awhile.
There’s a mental equivalent of this... It can be lovely. For awhile.
I don’t want to ever fall asleep again. I want to bask in my own delusions and build a perfect society in my head until the time comes when I finally meet the finality of the final sleep.
Sorry, you guys aren’t invited. It would kind of defeat the purpose.
In death, because I do not believe in an afterlife, I find solace in the dream that the world I’ve come to fantasize about will thrive in my head forever and I’ll leave this existence behind and relish in my own thought, leaving the concept of passed time far behind.

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